Is it Christmas yet??

So, I know it is only the middle of November but there was something about this morning that begged for Christmas music. I think it had to do with the grey chill outside contrasted with my cozy pajamas and warm apartment. It doesn't hurt that I'm already counting down the days till I get to go home for Christmas.

Therefore, Christmas music it is. This year, I thought I'd try to make it till Thanksgiving, but then my brilliant little sister bestowed some wisdom on me. Why wait? You only get to listen to it once a year. Thanks, Abbey. Happy Christmas music listening, everyone!

Autumn is in the air

This summer was stunning. Warm sun. Swims in the lake. Trips to Glacier. BBQs with friends. Open windows. Iced coffee. Shorts and tanktops. Dresses with no tights. Clear days with mountain views. Picnics in the park. Fresh flowers on the table. Blackberries on the side of the road. Saturday mornings on the porch with a book. New sandals.

But alas (and I am slowly coming to terms with this), summer is over and fall is here; officially as of Saturday. And I am beginning to get excited for this new change of season. I've already enjoyed pumpkin cookies, stuffed acorn squash, and pumpkin spiced french toast. I am trying to celebrate the coming of fall and look forward to the changes it brings. Pumpkin flavored everything. Colorful leaves. Hot drinks. Lots of pies. Thanksgiving.

I don't yet feel ready to break out my coats and I'm even hesitant to put on a scarf yet. That will all come, I know. But for now, I'm enjoying the last rays of warm sunshine and beginning to let the beauty and tastes of fall into my life.

happy saturday

the pictures speak a thousand words. happy happy saturday.

dirt and ashes

For those of you who don't know, today is Ash Wednesday; the beginning of the season of Lent. With the traces of a cross still brushed across my forehead, I am sitting here writing this post and thinking about what this season means for me this year.

These next 40 days I am choosing to stop wasting precious time on my computer and only use it for things that are worthwhile and even then, sparingly. I am choosing to spend my time reading about Jesus every day, whether that be the Bible or other books about this man and the way he lived his life. And I am choosing to spend at least 5 minutes a day in intentional silence and stillness. You may call it meditation, reflection, relaxation. Whatever the term, I am choosing to stop at least once a day and allow my heart and mind some space to just be.

I am excited to see what this season of sacrifice and focus and intention will turn out to be and what I will learn and discover.

This Is My Home

The man in this video embodies a life well lived, selfless generosity, genuine human connection. He created a space to call home and lives to invite others in to that space. To him, home is a place to be opened and shared with strangers who quickly become friends.

lazy saturdays

I can't think of anything much better in the world than lazy Saturdays. Sleeping in, hot coffee, breakfast with roommate, the Office, crocheting, sitting in pajamas way past noon. I haven't had a Saturday like this in what feels like forever and it makes today all the more beautiful and refreshing. Happy long weekend!

The Gardener

I was flipping through my book, The 100 Best Poems of All Time, when I came across one that really struck me. It is entitled "The Gardener" and is written by Rabindranath Tagore and was originally written in Bengali. It speaks of love and being known and of our hearts and how even when someone knows you deeply, they still don't fully know you. Such is the complication of being human.

Your questioning eyes are sad. They seek to know my
meaning as the moon would fathom the sea.
I have bared my life before your eyes from end to end,
with nothing hidden or held back. That is why you know
me not.
If it were only a gem, I could break it into a hundred
pieces and string them into a chain to put on your neck.
If it were only a flower, round and small and sweet, I could
pluck it from its stem to set it in your hair.
But it is a heart, my beloved. Where are its shores and its
bottom?
You know not the limits of this kingdom, still you are its
queen.
If it were only a moment of pleasure i would flower in an
easy smile, and you could see it and read it in a moment.
If it were merely a pain it would melt in limpid tears,
reflecting its inmost secret without a word.
But it is love, my beloved.
Its pleasure and pain are boundless, and endless its wants
and wealth.
It is as near to you as your life, but you can never wholly
know it.

watermelon moon

a few nights ago, i got to imagine. i got to imagine as i looked up at the night sky, at the sliver of a moon hanging there precariously, residing over the darkness. i got to imagine with a three year old all the things that sliver of a moon could be. could it be a smile? could it be a watermelon? or an apple slice? i talked with this preschooler about the moon as if there were nothing more important in the world to be talking about. it makes me think of the story "the little prince."

"grown-ups like numbers. when you tell them about a new friend, they never ask questions about what really matters. they never ask: 'what does his voice sound like?' 'what games does he like best?' 'does he collect butterflies?' they ask: 'how old is he?' 'how many brothers does he have?' 'how much does he weigh?' 'how much money does his father make?' only then do they think they know him." (the little prince, antoine de saint-exupery, p. 10)

it seems lately that the most beautiful, the most profound moments in my life revolve around children. here i was marveling at the moon with a child, marveling at how uniquely he sees the world. and it was nothing extraordinary to him, he was just seeing the world as only a child can. and i was honored to be invited in to that world. daily i am amazed by children. my breath is stolen as i watch a child take his first steps and soon learn to run. i am humbled as i get to watch a child begin to understand and explore the world around her. and i am honored to be allowed in to those most precious of moments.

getaway

ocean. wine. lighthouse. quaint inn. pure bliss. can i go please?

it's not easy being 23

i think i thought i'd be different
more together
i thought i'd know how to do my taxes all by myself
and that I'd never not return a phone call
i thought everything would be easier
because i was "grown up," whatever that means
i thought my life would be moving in a clear direction
that i would know why it is that i exist
i thought i'd know how to french braid my own hair
and that boldness and courage would come naturally
i thought the darkness would no longer inspire fear
and that i'd be over the phase of eating cereal for dinner
i thought i'd know what i believe
and have a solid faith to rely on
i thought letting God be in control would be easy
i thought i'd know how to articulate my feelings
and let people in to my life without reserve
i thought my insecurities would be obsolete
and that loneliness would be a thing of the past

and yet here i am, 23 and so often feeling like a small child
lost in the grocery store, searching for the face of my mom
i still call my dad with money questions
i still wish my mom could just tell me what i should do
i thought i'd wake up one day knowing how to be an adult
maybe after high school, then college, now post college
and now i'm 23, still figuring it all out

i know that is the beauty of it all
life lies not in plans but in spontaneity
not in the end result but in the sum of moments
life exists not in the clear direction but in the getting lost
not with a script but with an always changing stage
the most life comes out of chaos, out of change,
out of disappointment and risk and the unknown
maybe not one person has it figured out
we are all just pretending
and sometimes that is all we can do to keep our feet under us
pretend, risk, experiment, fail, learn, pretend again

and still, it's not easy being 23
then again, maybe it's not "23"
maybe it's just life
and i think i may be ok with that

you make me new

what a beautiful gift it is to be made new. to be made beautiful.

"you make beautiful things
 you make beautiful things out of the dust
 you make beautiful things
 you make beautiful things out of us"

"all around
 hope is springing up from this old ground
 out of chaos life is being found in you"

"you make me new
 you are making me new"

the words from this song are so powerful and as i listen, i allow the truth of them to overwhelm me. i hope this monday morning, you hear something in them as well.

Seattle Snow Storm?!

Seattle, you did it. You snowed just about as much in one day as you normally do in a year. And for that I am grateful. I did however have to brave this winter storm to get to work and I have lived to tell about it. Here are just a few pictures I took on my way to and from work.

                                                                        braving the snow

                                                              43rd St. as it is almost never seen

                                                                so lovely and yet so cold

                                               and home again, thanks metro buses for still running

                                          very picturesque, minus the grey slushy road in the forefront

Be Honest.

As I'm cozied up on the couch, having finally celebrated Christmas with my roommate (by the way, celebrating a second Christmas a month after Christmas is the best idea ever) and looking out the window at a blanket of white, anticipating more snow for the next few days, I am feeling calm and nostalgic, wanting to look at my life with fresh, appreciative eyes. My resolution for 2011 was to take risks. Sounds simple, I know, but I am not necessarily always a natural risk taker and living an entire year through the lens of risk taking was quite an undertaking. And yet, it has framed the way I live my life and is a lens I hope to look through and live for the rest of my life. I took risks in relationships. I learned to be confident in me. I started actually doing instead of just talking. I really lived.

And so this year, in keeping with the idea of choosing an overarching theme to aim for and shape every aspect of my life, I have chosen to be honest. I want to be honest with myself and be ok with whatever that may mean. I want to be honest with the people in my life. I want to really tell people how I feel. I want to have the confidence to say what I need to say, even when it is difficult.

So cheers, to honesty and living and fresh beginnings.

The 10 Types of Foodies

I stumbled across this gem while catching up on the year of plenty blog. Brilliant. Just brilliant.

my friend Tim

Tim is a beautiful soul. He is a neighbor who has befriended me and I him over the past year here in Fremont. Tim stands outside our neighborhood grocery store, mostly at night, no matter the bitterness of the weather. Sometimes he asks for money and other times he just says hello. He has made my day more than once. Tim loves to read and has a desire to return to school. He has a compassionate heart, as I witnessed when he saved a sick and broken bird, fed it, and kept it warm saying everyone deserved a chance at life because God created and cares for even this little bird. For a while, I had thought that Tim had forgotten me and the conversations we've had. And then the other night, he surprised me. As I smiled at him and continued on toward the grocery store door he said, "You cut your hair." I turned back, a smile on my face, and said yes I had. He said four words that said "I see you, I notice you, I remember you." I walked around the store wondering what I could give him as he stood out in the cold. I ended up walking out after making my purchases and handing him a turkey, ham, and avocado sandwich and the dollar I had in my wallet. "It's not much" I said. And he replied that a sandwich was just what he needed. What a beautiful man. He is a constant reminder to me to be in the moment, noticing the needs and offerings of those around me.

'tis the season

Life has felt really busy lately. Work has been great and stressful all at once. My weekend was filled with a late night, a funeral, and a birthday party; alot to take in in a matter of days. I am ready to go home for Christmas; ready to sleep in and read alot and bake with my mom and celebrate my sister's grad school graduation and spend Christmas with my family.

In other news, my Christmas tree has been cut and is happily gracing the living room.

                                              Reginald, in his natural habitat :)

                                                             He's a beauty

Light at the end of the tunnel

As Thanksgiving quickly approaches, I am getting more and more excited about it. You know when you have one of those weeks and you are just over it almost before it begins? It starts out rough on Monday and all you can do is look toward the light at the end of the tunnel (in this case, Thanksgiving) and hope time will move faster toward that light? Ya, I'm there. I'm ready for a break and after Thanksgiving, Christmas is only weeks away which means vacation, curling up on the couch and reading, and yearly traditions with my family. I CANNOT wait. In the meantime, though, I plan on doing lots of baking and Christmas decorating and snowflake making :)

Adventure Account

This past week I think I made one of the best decisions of my life! Well, this may be a slight exaggeration, but still. I have been talking about this for quite some time and in going with one of my goals for this year, which is actually doing and not just talking, I finally opened a bank account specifically for the purpose of saving money to go on adventures. And it's about time. There is so much in this world that I want to see and do and I don't want money, or really the lack thereof, to stop me anymore. Hence my new "adventure savings account." I don't have an abundance of money to save but I figure every little bit counts. And as I have a dear friend moving to Nicaragua in 2 short days, I want to begin finding a way to visit her when it becomes too grey and gloomy here to bear. This is just one of the many adventures I hope to have. Maybe a visit to Hilde in Norway or a celebration of my fabulous roommate's graduation will be funded as well :)

School lunch

I am saddened as I read this article. How can we say with a clean conscience that the tomato paste on pizza is a vegetable? How can we serve french fries every day and expect kids to make healthier choices? Of course a 3rd grader (and a 12th grader for that matter) is going to choose french fries and pizza over a salad and pasta. But what if the french fries and pizza weren't an option? What if they were given healthy options from which to choose, instead of whole grains and salad versus fat and sugar? Children would have the opportunity to make a choice between multiple healthy foods and would learn how to eat well and take care of their bodies. It only makes sense to provide children with healthy food that tastes good. In my opinion, the future of our country depends on it. Not to mention the health of our children, who should be the most important thing to us. It breaks my heart that children are fed foods that are bad for them yet labeled "healthy" all for the sake of money and politics. Access to food is a basic human right. Why can't we treat our kids better? What have they done to deserve diabetes and obesity?

"food" for thought

I am passionate about food. I love preparing and enjoying delicious food. 2 years ago, I made the choice to stope eating meat and become a vegetarian. This was a long time coming for me, I think, and the journey I was on that led to this point was enlightening and horrific and inspiring all at the same time. My senior year of college, I took a class aimed at assisting students who had previously been abroad to integrate global thinking into local living. It was the best class I ever took and definitely the most impactful (I mean, I'm now a vegetarian thanks to this class). We talked alot about our food system here in the U.S. and how far it is from being natural and sustainable. Instead, it is about efficiency, assembly lines, and profit. How sad that something as beautiful and life-giving as food has become so tainted. As a result of incredible articles and documentaries (particularly Food Inc.) and a passionate, knowledgeable teacher, I felt convicted about eating meat. And since I could no longer feign ignorance, I took the leap and stopped eating meat altogether. And I have never once regretted this decision.

Being a vegetarian is my small contribution to the world. It is my way of standing up to our unethical food system. It is my way of saying I don't agree with raising animals like products to be manipulated, like they aren't living, breathing creatures. It is my way of saying I am not ok with how much land and water are used to raise cattle that could be used in much more sustainable and useful ways. It is my way of saying I believe animals should be allowed to roam free and eat grass, not corn. It is my way of saying I don't want all the antibiotics and chemicals that are pumped into animals to ever enter my body.

What brought all this to the forefront of my mind today was an article in the Seattle Times about the local food movement in the US and how it could be and already is a solution to global hunger. After reading the article, I stumbled onto the author's blog. He is a pastor in Spokane who is passionate about growing local food, feeding people, and teaching people about good food. I'm inspired and will now be following his blog.