Is it Christmas yet??

So, I know it is only the middle of November but there was something about this morning that begged for Christmas music. I think it had to do with the grey chill outside contrasted with my cozy pajamas and warm apartment. It doesn't hurt that I'm already counting down the days till I get to go home for Christmas.

Therefore, Christmas music it is. This year, I thought I'd try to make it till Thanksgiving, but then my brilliant little sister bestowed some wisdom on me. Why wait? You only get to listen to it once a year. Thanks, Abbey. Happy Christmas music listening, everyone!

Autumn is in the air

This summer was stunning. Warm sun. Swims in the lake. Trips to Glacier. BBQs with friends. Open windows. Iced coffee. Shorts and tanktops. Dresses with no tights. Clear days with mountain views. Picnics in the park. Fresh flowers on the table. Blackberries on the side of the road. Saturday mornings on the porch with a book. New sandals.

But alas (and I am slowly coming to terms with this), summer is over and fall is here; officially as of Saturday. And I am beginning to get excited for this new change of season. I've already enjoyed pumpkin cookies, stuffed acorn squash, and pumpkin spiced french toast. I am trying to celebrate the coming of fall and look forward to the changes it brings. Pumpkin flavored everything. Colorful leaves. Hot drinks. Lots of pies. Thanksgiving.

I don't yet feel ready to break out my coats and I'm even hesitant to put on a scarf yet. That will all come, I know. But for now, I'm enjoying the last rays of warm sunshine and beginning to let the beauty and tastes of fall into my life.

happy saturday

the pictures speak a thousand words. happy happy saturday.

dirt and ashes

For those of you who don't know, today is Ash Wednesday; the beginning of the season of Lent. With the traces of a cross still brushed across my forehead, I am sitting here writing this post and thinking about what this season means for me this year.

These next 40 days I am choosing to stop wasting precious time on my computer and only use it for things that are worthwhile and even then, sparingly. I am choosing to spend my time reading about Jesus every day, whether that be the Bible or other books about this man and the way he lived his life. And I am choosing to spend at least 5 minutes a day in intentional silence and stillness. You may call it meditation, reflection, relaxation. Whatever the term, I am choosing to stop at least once a day and allow my heart and mind some space to just be.

I am excited to see what this season of sacrifice and focus and intention will turn out to be and what I will learn and discover.

This Is My Home

The man in this video embodies a life well lived, selfless generosity, genuine human connection. He created a space to call home and lives to invite others in to that space. To him, home is a place to be opened and shared with strangers who quickly become friends.

lazy saturdays

I can't think of anything much better in the world than lazy Saturdays. Sleeping in, hot coffee, breakfast with roommate, the Office, crocheting, sitting in pajamas way past noon. I haven't had a Saturday like this in what feels like forever and it makes today all the more beautiful and refreshing. Happy long weekend!

The Gardener

I was flipping through my book, The 100 Best Poems of All Time, when I came across one that really struck me. It is entitled "The Gardener" and is written by Rabindranath Tagore and was originally written in Bengali. It speaks of love and being known and of our hearts and how even when someone knows you deeply, they still don't fully know you. Such is the complication of being human.

Your questioning eyes are sad. They seek to know my
meaning as the moon would fathom the sea.
I have bared my life before your eyes from end to end,
with nothing hidden or held back. That is why you know
me not.
If it were only a gem, I could break it into a hundred
pieces and string them into a chain to put on your neck.
If it were only a flower, round and small and sweet, I could
pluck it from its stem to set it in your hair.
But it is a heart, my beloved. Where are its shores and its
bottom?
You know not the limits of this kingdom, still you are its
queen.
If it were only a moment of pleasure i would flower in an
easy smile, and you could see it and read it in a moment.
If it were merely a pain it would melt in limpid tears,
reflecting its inmost secret without a word.
But it is love, my beloved.
Its pleasure and pain are boundless, and endless its wants
and wealth.
It is as near to you as your life, but you can never wholly
know it.

watermelon moon

a few nights ago, i got to imagine. i got to imagine as i looked up at the night sky, at the sliver of a moon hanging there precariously, residing over the darkness. i got to imagine with a three year old all the things that sliver of a moon could be. could it be a smile? could it be a watermelon? or an apple slice? i talked with this preschooler about the moon as if there were nothing more important in the world to be talking about. it makes me think of the story "the little prince."

"grown-ups like numbers. when you tell them about a new friend, they never ask questions about what really matters. they never ask: 'what does his voice sound like?' 'what games does he like best?' 'does he collect butterflies?' they ask: 'how old is he?' 'how many brothers does he have?' 'how much does he weigh?' 'how much money does his father make?' only then do they think they know him." (the little prince, antoine de saint-exupery, p. 10)

it seems lately that the most beautiful, the most profound moments in my life revolve around children. here i was marveling at the moon with a child, marveling at how uniquely he sees the world. and it was nothing extraordinary to him, he was just seeing the world as only a child can. and i was honored to be invited in to that world. daily i am amazed by children. my breath is stolen as i watch a child take his first steps and soon learn to run. i am humbled as i get to watch a child begin to understand and explore the world around her. and i am honored to be allowed in to those most precious of moments.

getaway

ocean. wine. lighthouse. quaint inn. pure bliss. can i go please?

it's not easy being 23

i think i thought i'd be different
more together
i thought i'd know how to do my taxes all by myself
and that I'd never not return a phone call
i thought everything would be easier
because i was "grown up," whatever that means
i thought my life would be moving in a clear direction
that i would know why it is that i exist
i thought i'd know how to french braid my own hair
and that boldness and courage would come naturally
i thought the darkness would no longer inspire fear
and that i'd be over the phase of eating cereal for dinner
i thought i'd know what i believe
and have a solid faith to rely on
i thought letting God be in control would be easy
i thought i'd know how to articulate my feelings
and let people in to my life without reserve
i thought my insecurities would be obsolete
and that loneliness would be a thing of the past

and yet here i am, 23 and so often feeling like a small child
lost in the grocery store, searching for the face of my mom
i still call my dad with money questions
i still wish my mom could just tell me what i should do
i thought i'd wake up one day knowing how to be an adult
maybe after high school, then college, now post college
and now i'm 23, still figuring it all out

i know that is the beauty of it all
life lies not in plans but in spontaneity
not in the end result but in the sum of moments
life exists not in the clear direction but in the getting lost
not with a script but with an always changing stage
the most life comes out of chaos, out of change,
out of disappointment and risk and the unknown
maybe not one person has it figured out
we are all just pretending
and sometimes that is all we can do to keep our feet under us
pretend, risk, experiment, fail, learn, pretend again

and still, it's not easy being 23
then again, maybe it's not "23"
maybe it's just life
and i think i may be ok with that

you make me new

what a beautiful gift it is to be made new. to be made beautiful.

"you make beautiful things
 you make beautiful things out of the dust
 you make beautiful things
 you make beautiful things out of us"

"all around
 hope is springing up from this old ground
 out of chaos life is being found in you"

"you make me new
 you are making me new"

the words from this song are so powerful and as i listen, i allow the truth of them to overwhelm me. i hope this monday morning, you hear something in them as well.

Seattle Snow Storm?!

Seattle, you did it. You snowed just about as much in one day as you normally do in a year. And for that I am grateful. I did however have to brave this winter storm to get to work and I have lived to tell about it. Here are just a few pictures I took on my way to and from work.

                                                                        braving the snow

                                                              43rd St. as it is almost never seen

                                                                so lovely and yet so cold

                                               and home again, thanks metro buses for still running

                                          very picturesque, minus the grey slushy road in the forefront

Be Honest.

As I'm cozied up on the couch, having finally celebrated Christmas with my roommate (by the way, celebrating a second Christmas a month after Christmas is the best idea ever) and looking out the window at a blanket of white, anticipating more snow for the next few days, I am feeling calm and nostalgic, wanting to look at my life with fresh, appreciative eyes. My resolution for 2011 was to take risks. Sounds simple, I know, but I am not necessarily always a natural risk taker and living an entire year through the lens of risk taking was quite an undertaking. And yet, it has framed the way I live my life and is a lens I hope to look through and live for the rest of my life. I took risks in relationships. I learned to be confident in me. I started actually doing instead of just talking. I really lived.

And so this year, in keeping with the idea of choosing an overarching theme to aim for and shape every aspect of my life, I have chosen to be honest. I want to be honest with myself and be ok with whatever that may mean. I want to be honest with the people in my life. I want to really tell people how I feel. I want to have the confidence to say what I need to say, even when it is difficult.

So cheers, to honesty and living and fresh beginnings.